You are about 3 and a half years old now. You are growing up into this amazing little person. And I feel like our time together is so limited. In just over a decade and a half you’ll be an adult, chasing away your dreams.
I hope we are friends still when that happens. I hope you still love me and want to hang out with me even then.
My greatest fear in life is that I’m doing motherhood wrong, that I’m not giving you something that I should be giving you, not making you aware of my deepest affection for you. Or not giving you enough of my time.
I sometimes lose my cool. I try really really hard and you are the reason I’ve grown so much as a person. But I feel like I should have done all this growing up before and be more prepared. I should have prepped harder. You deserve the best. You are the best human being I know. You have made me feel so special with your love and I am so thankful that you are my baby. I just hope I can be someone you trust in all phases of your beautiful life. I hope you know that you can tell me anything and that nothing you say or you do could ever change the way I feel about you.
Sure there will be moments in our lives when we get on each other’s nerves, living together and being close to another person, caring too much for them, all these things can sometimes cross fire. But I hope our bond remains strong. I hope you and I, we remain strong. That would be my greatest accomplishment.
But I also don’t want you to have to do any of this. Feel like you have to talk to me and share. I want to be able to become your friend. Someone you want to share with. I don’t want you to be dependent on me and seek out my help and support because of that. I want for us to enjoy each other’s company, however limited our time together is.
I’m 31 years old but the fact that life is freaking short and it’s going really really fast has never been more apparent to me. I hope to never miss a moment of connection with you if it’s in my power to.
I love you so very much, my baby. Mommy loves you more than anything else in the entire world.
Our relationship is my greatest pleasure and I’m going to make it a point to prove that to you every chance I get. This letter is as much for you to hopefully read one day as it is for me to read every single day and remind myself of how clearly I saw things late one night. Cried my eyes out to the phone as I typed my letter and went in to kiss you.
My promise to you is that I will always be there for you, I will see you, I will hear you and will always hold space for you. You can always be whoever you want to be with me, you can always lean on me. There will never be any judgement and there will never be any expectations.
My hope is for you to live the life you deem worth living. Get the opportunity to be whoever you want to be. That you experience love and happiness. That you think deep thoughts and have amazing experiences. That you are empathetic and kind not only to others but to yourself. That you life is full in every way imaginable.
My hope for us is that there is an us that we both cherish, as long as I live. Our relationship is the most important thing in my world.
Forever in love with you,